Last Thursday in November..Take a Guess;)

• Jesus! Life eternal, love immeasurable, hope enduring
• A mom I can tell anything, who loves me so much and has always made me feel wanted just for me.
• A dad who works super hard to support us and pretty much never complains, who is concerned for me and cares about my safety, who helps me.
• Parents who are together after 25 years and who showed me that marriage should and can withstand arguments, hard times, etc.
• A beautiful, kind-hearted, fun, intelligent little sister who loves me for some reason
• Friends who listen to me and miss me when I'm not around and do crazy stuff like kidnapping me to do fun things on my birthday and force-feeding me ice cream after a break-up
• Laughter to the point of tears and physical pain.
• Tears as catharsis
• Music for relaxing, dancing, and relating to
• A nice house
• A running, heated car with basically functioning doors and windows
• A warm bed to sleep in and plenty of clothes
• Plenty of food and money
• Education
• Merciful, encouraging teachers and others
• Drawing, writing, and other introverted-ish means of expression/relaxation :)
• A summer in China with dear, dear friends
• Children, and getting to work with them so often
• My challenging, stressful, fun, crazy, exhausting blessing of a job
• New friends and experiences you never see coming
• The ability to learn from mistakes
• The Bible; having it, in my language, in a country where reading it's not a crime
• People who see more in me than I can.
• IVCF
• Unlimited Texting :)
• Sleep
• Staying up to late talking
• Cities
• Nature
• Sight (like sunsets and fireworks), sound (like music and thunderstorms), smell (like apple pies and crunchy dead leaves), feel (like soft blankets and squishy stress balls:)), taste (like chocolate or peppermint tea)
• Summer, fall, spring..sort of winter (snow's pretty i guess..)
• Flowers<3
• Hugs
• More than I could ever probably get all down

~Why in the world did you come after me? Thank You, thank You. Words aren't enough so for now I will say: "Thank You, thank You"~

~I have been blessed, with so much more than I deserve. To be here with the ones who love me, to love them so much it hurts..I am SO blessed<3~

Yo-yo, Whip-lash Induction, Whatever..

I guess I can appreciate a train wreck just as much as the next guy..but forgive me if I choose to sit this one out.


Really? REALLY? Why do you want to live in the same episode of this same, teenage-esque, angsty soap opera..Forgiveness? Of course! It's not easy but I'm all for it..and would be dead and hopeless without it. But I think there's something to be said for taking a [temporary?] step back from a really bad situation. In the midst of anger, hurt, immaturity--I have no words to really describe this--why do you constantly feel the need to fuel your desperate addiction to..company? with being in the presence of people you couldn't even be civil with an hour ago? NOTHING EVER GETS FIXED! I'm so done being a part of this..the frantic calls, the intense accusations, the tears the feuds the acerbic,viciously biting words, the gossip..I don't want to keep going with this when no one wants to fix it. You just want to live in the drama, gloss it over when you want a vacation in happy,plastic town, then go back. This is so not healthy, no sane person could deny it. I love you but I'm out unless I can ACTUALLY help. I don't like who I am when I get too far involved, and I know it's not helping you for me to be in this position.

Hating Gray

They say that standing by someone when things get tough--I'm talking really, REALLY bad--can be hard, that it takes a true friend to do it. But is this always the case? Is it possible that sometimes walking away can be harder? And can it ever by RIGHT to walk away when someone's really hurting? I don't know.


In general, I would say that you don't leave a friend behind when he is in his deepest state of lost and broken..but what do you do when somebody wants you to WANT to help him more than he actually wants your help? What do you do when you can never do enough, or never do "right?" What if what someone wants from you is not what's right for him, and you know it. A person who I had considered one of my closest friends has fallen into such darkness, and there is NOTHING I can do..I can pray and love and be there if said person actually wants me..but I really don't even think this person does. I've told my friend the truth..I've tried to do it lovingly..but this person needs more help than I..or anyone else she's seeking out..can give. And, it would seem, I now fall into one of two categories: either I do what this person wants, or I just don't want to deal with anything but her at her best. Neither are true. But I only, to a limited extent, know what is anymore--at least where this is concerned.


I wish I could say how it hurts me that I am not enough for you. That none of us except for one person seem to be enough for you. But more than that, I wish you knew that you really, REALLY need Jesus right now. My pride may be hurt, but I know that I'm not who you need. Would it be better if we all stepped away? Would you finally look to Him if you didn't have us to cling to, to bring down, to manipulate? Would you finally do what's good for you? I don't know I don't know I don't know! 


You were the one who used to remind me I was human when I was mad at my failures. You were the one to say you loved me and throw me surprise parties and take me under your wing when I felt new and alone in a group. How did this happen? And you know what else? I'm scared..scared because I don't want to end up like you've become..'cause as mad and worried and whatever as I get at you, I see just enough of you in me to make me wonder and worry. I don't know..maybe I'm selfish too..I don't even know my biggest worry here now. 


I wish I could talk to someone who could tell me what to do..but your story isn't mine to tell, and as it stands now, I think the only people who know enough for me to talk to can't help. 


I hope I can find answers somewhere..and even more I hope that you find THE answer. I still love you, don't ever forget.