Tonight I went to a young adults' group at a friend's church. I don't always come to these things when invited, but I thought it was cool that he had taken time to actually call and invite me instead of just sending a mass fb invite; I also thought it might be fun..other than these reasons, I'm honestly not sure what specifically drew me.
It was smallish and super laid-back, and there were a few people I knew (but wasn't SUPER close with) or had met once or twice. Not my usual ideal scene, but somehow I just liked it there right away. Not the emotionally, super high-energy kinda like that seems to be one of my two more prevalent reactions in social scenes as of late, but a more calm, peaceful kind of like. I don't know what it was exactly, but it just seemed right..not awkward, not even exciting in the sense I normally think of the word. Just..nice.
We started with some chill worship in a little brick, youthfully artistic room. Then one of the church's pastors gave a really short talk about a baker who worked hard and saw growth in his business as a result; only thing was, the baker eventually got so busy feeding his growing number of clients that he eventually stopped feeding himself, and then he couldn't keep working for awhile. It made me think of when a leader on a trip I took this summer talked to us about needing to be filled by God ourselves if we were to help fill others. It also made me think of the small group I lead..leading has felt like such a fruitless burden this semester. Maybe I need to be seeking some nourishment.
We then had a free, delicious meal together, prepared by a lady there. I am so touched to see how these people serve; they want a community for young adults to just be together, be fed in whatever way they need, and enjoy the time. No stress of paying for food or following a strict agenda. They just offer, according to gift's God's given them, things to feed us and care for us. So simple yet not so ordinary. I barely talked to a lot of them, and yet I felt loved by them.
The night ended with a video conversation led by my friend. The video was about being follower (not a fan). The Scripture used came from Matthew 19. A man in the video talked about how the young ruler's issue wasn't having money, but money having him. We talked about sacrificing for our faith, a requirement of a follower (not a fan), and about how those sacrifices sometimes feel more like badges of honor in the long-run. We also thought about things that may "have us." I didn't share it, but I think a lot of things have me. I think wanting a relationship has me, and wanting attention/acceptance has me, and wanting security has me. I started thinking more about idols in my life more a few weeks ago at a conference; I asked God to take them, breaking into tears I never felt coming. I KNOW I need to let them go, and I'm praying for God to take them. Because idols stress me out and don't fill me. Only God fills me, with His amazing love. I want to be all in, completely and wholeheartedly. I want Him to fill me so I can be used to fill others. At the end we shared prayer requests, and I asked for discernment in knowing how best to love and help a couple friends. The friend who invited me took my requests and gave me some verses to look at from Jude..and they so spoke to me in terms of these situations, it was awesome!
I left tonight feeling still peaceful. I don't even really get it, but it's nice. I just feel kind of calm and good, not really high (emotionally) or anything like I sometimes do. But I kinda like it better; I think it feels more real, more..just, more. I feel like emotional highs and lows are my norms, and while highs can be nice, I don't really like roller coasters. This happy calm is so good. I want to keep going to this group..well, true peace comes from God, not from the group specifically..but I just feel like this is a good place.
Also came home to learn that a bad situation with a friend that had me worried and praying worked out better than I may have expected. I'm so thankful.
Enjoying the peace now, praying it lasts, seeking regardless. I know Who I need. I know Who gets to have me.
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