Hating Gray

They say that standing by someone when things get tough--I'm talking really, REALLY bad--can be hard, that it takes a true friend to do it. But is this always the case? Is it possible that sometimes walking away can be harder? And can it ever by RIGHT to walk away when someone's really hurting? I don't know.


In general, I would say that you don't leave a friend behind when he is in his deepest state of lost and broken..but what do you do when somebody wants you to WANT to help him more than he actually wants your help? What do you do when you can never do enough, or never do "right?" What if what someone wants from you is not what's right for him, and you know it. A person who I had considered one of my closest friends has fallen into such darkness, and there is NOTHING I can do..I can pray and love and be there if said person actually wants me..but I really don't even think this person does. I've told my friend the truth..I've tried to do it lovingly..but this person needs more help than I..or anyone else she's seeking out..can give. And, it would seem, I now fall into one of two categories: either I do what this person wants, or I just don't want to deal with anything but her at her best. Neither are true. But I only, to a limited extent, know what is anymore--at least where this is concerned.


I wish I could say how it hurts me that I am not enough for you. That none of us except for one person seem to be enough for you. But more than that, I wish you knew that you really, REALLY need Jesus right now. My pride may be hurt, but I know that I'm not who you need. Would it be better if we all stepped away? Would you finally look to Him if you didn't have us to cling to, to bring down, to manipulate? Would you finally do what's good for you? I don't know I don't know I don't know! 


You were the one who used to remind me I was human when I was mad at my failures. You were the one to say you loved me and throw me surprise parties and take me under your wing when I felt new and alone in a group. How did this happen? And you know what else? I'm scared..scared because I don't want to end up like you've become..'cause as mad and worried and whatever as I get at you, I see just enough of you in me to make me wonder and worry. I don't know..maybe I'm selfish too..I don't even know my biggest worry here now. 


I wish I could talk to someone who could tell me what to do..but your story isn't mine to tell, and as it stands now, I think the only people who know enough for me to talk to can't help. 


I hope I can find answers somewhere..and even more I hope that you find THE answer. I still love you, don't ever forget.